Hung out in the Desert with Matty and the Jackson 5.

Hung out in the desert with Matty and the Jackson 5.

The REAL scientific formula for love..

Matty was a mad scientist.
He built a spaceship that could
transport him to the future.

So, he transported himself to the future.
He met me and wanted me to go
back to the past with him.
I wanted to go because I loved him,
but I didn't want to leave my life behind.

I couldn't decide what to do,
so the only way we could settle this
was a game of baseball.
If I won, I could stay;
if I lost I went back with Matty.

CLIFFHANGER.

Tricerabitch.

I was playing on the jungle gym with Matty.
He told me we couldn't be friends anymore.
I asked him why,
and he said he found a new friend.
his new friend was a triceratops.
She came over
and he just left me hangin.

hookah > sword

Brought all the residents
of Haughton Cove Manor to the playground today.
My friend Matty was there.
We hung out for a bit,
but then I had to bring
the residents back for nap time.

Matty called me later on that day,
said he left his sword there earlier.
Said his mom is going to come
pick it up in five minutes.
I couldn't find it.

Matty's mom came.
I gave her a hookah instead.
I put a bee's nest in there too.
She left.
I think she was mad.

Then I started catching frogs.
They were all over the living room.

Dazed and Confused

Went over Dana's house.
The only way I could get there
was by canoe.
I'm not sure how I got there.
I don't own a canoe..

It was time for me to leave,
but I was not familiar with the river.
I needed help,
so Dana said she'll lead the way back to my house.

Dana stopped halfway there
and told me to figure out
the rest of the way.
It was dark and she wanted to go home.
I was alone and scared,
so I called my friend Cy.

He told me he'd come get me.
He paddled to wherever the heck I was
and told me to follow him.
We ended up at an island,
and he told me he had a surprise for me.
He had a huge greenhouse,
in which he harvested cannibis sativa.
(NOM NOM NOM)
we blazed all night.

The Fool on the Hill

It was a gorgeous day outside.
Brian and I decided to capture
the beauty surrounding us,
so we did a photo shoot.

It was already dark,
so Brian and I walked back to my house.
I lived on a quaint little Amish farm,
so there was no light,
except for the moon.
He wanted to see his pictures and
was convinced that the only
solution to the problem was
to set my house on fire...

..and so he did.

Obviously I was upset so I ran up the hill.
My buddy Jesse was up there as well.
He made me some pancakes,
so we ate them,
and watched my house burn down.

Vamp Tramp

My friend Chad was a vampire.
A VAMPIRE WHORE.
So I moved to San Fransisco.

Ticking Away the Moments That Make Up A dull Day

I had 3 very important task to complete in 2 hours:

-take a test
-get married
-clean a house

Life Is Like a Box of Chocolates

Went on a cruise with my family.
Received a phone call from Brent.
He told me he was dying.
I was the only one who could save him.
Tom Hanks was the only one who knows how to save him.
I had 3 days to find Tom Hanks and save Brent.

WHAT THE HELL.

Asked my dad what I should do.
He told me Tom Hanks was on the cruise.
I walked up to Tom Hanks.
He told me I need to kill and octopus.
He told me I had to cut it open.
He told me I had to eat its heart.
He told me that is the only way Brent can be saved.
He told me that life was like a box of chocolates.

Nightmare on Lake Ave.

Slept over Brent's house.
Woke up and realized
I somehow got there with two vehicles.
I did not understand how this could have happened.

I called my mother,
maybe she could help me figure this one out?
nope.
She was upset that I interrupted her
while she was star gazing with her telescope.
Told me I got to Brent's in two cars,
and I can come back in two cars.

How is this even possible?
how can I bring back two cars at the same time?
worst day ever.

EDF

woke up in Cy's basement
next to empty beer cans
and bodies sprawled
all over the floor.

went upstairs to go to the bathroom,
tripped over some more bodies,
stepped in vomit.

walked back downstairs and found myself in a cave.
This cave was full of giant ants.
giant.red.ants.
my buddy joe ran up to me
in a suit of armor,
told me I need to start killing these ants.
He branded me with an E
so therefore I am now officially part of EDF.
LONG LIVE EDF.
and not ants.

Halloween's a Scream

It was Halloween.
We all know what happens on Halloween.
Mike Meyers is on the loose;
looking for victims to kill.

We all knew he was up and about in the neighborhood,
so we decided to stay together,
in case he decided he wanted to kill us.
That way, we'd be together
and he will be outnumbered.

We were playing scrabble.
Mike finds his way into our house,
and enters the room we were all in.
He advances towards a couple people,
but everyone runs away besides me.

I don't know what to do.
I thought we had a plan
but everyone was too afraid
and left me to die.
I didn't plead for my life,
nothing dramatic.
I just stared at him.
He told me he is going to spare my life.
Why?
He said I was a good person.
:]

ET Phone Home

I just moved to NYC.
No, not an apartment.
Not a house either.
I moved to the streets.

A group of guys found me and felt bad.
So they decided to take care of me.
They didn't want their parents to see
that they are taking care of a complete stranger
whom they found on the streets.

So they decided to disguise me as ET.
They wrapped me in a blanket,
and put me in front of their basket
on one of their bikes.

One guy was really mean and
didn't want anything to do with me.
A huge cloud formed over his head
and is rained everywhere he went.
Only on him though.
Karma's a bitch.

Holy Terror, Batman!

I was residing in Holland.
I lived with my friends Jim and Jesse,
in a quaint cobblestone town.
City marketplace if you will.
Without my knowing,
they would always follow me around
if I went out by myself.
Sometimes, they would hire a woman
to pose as me.
Strange.

Jesse and Jim went out for the day
and warned me not to leave the house.
So I was bored and found binoculars.
I was scoping the center of town
and came across a very old, tall brick building.
I was looking through the windows
and noticed someone looking back at me
with binoculars too!!
It was Batman.

Jim and Jesse came back from wherever they went
and told me to go hide.
Apparently, Batman was after me for some reason
and wanted to kill me.
He was not sure if I lived in this house,
but now that he really saw me,
he knew.
I was in big trouble.

Jim quickly got a mannequin
and dressed it up as me.
I hid under the bed.

Sharkbait oohaha

I bought a fish tank for my dorm.
I bought a fish to go with the fish tank.
It was a big fat ugly fish too.
I don't know why I bought it,
I guess I felt bad for it.

I brought it up to school,
and everyone got excited.
It's just a big fat ugly fish.
My friend bought me a frog to put in the tank.
My other friend bought me a seahorse.
Yay! I was so excited!

I went out that night with everyone.
When I came back,
I went to the fish tank.
The big fat ugly fish turned into a big fat ugly snake.
And it ate the seahorse!
I cried.
The frog was still alive.
My sister's friends came over
and said it was stupid of me to cry over a seahorse.
Fuck you.

When In Rome...

So my music history teacher hooked me up with a ticket to Italy.
I went to Rome to play for the King.
He dubbed me child prodigy.

So the King hooked me up with a ticket for England.
I was on the plane with a bunch of other child prodigies.
We were all going to prodigy music school.
This big fat man told us we had to practice our instruments on the plane.
This one girl was sleeping instead.
She had a huge pimple I noticed.
The fat man woke her up and told her to step in his office.

This Lonely Brownbird

I bought a house with two of my friends from AcaBellas.
Actually, they bought the house,
I just showed up with a hammock.

As I got older,
I turned it into a residential care facility.
Brownbird Rudy Relic lived there.
He played and sang everyday on his rocking chair.

Injun Hollow

My friend Baret is having a going away party.
He's leaving for the airforce.

I was driving to Haddam Neck,
but I forget where exactly he lives.
As I'm driving, I see familiar landmarks.
I take a left, I know I have to take a left here.
But the sign says do not enter. Danger.
I take a left anyway,
I do not know any other short cut.
I'm driving up the road,
and drive right into a river.
I get myself out and drive back down.
How do I get to his house?

I'm back where I started.
I decide to take another familiar looking road.
However, I end up in a NYC parking garage.
I very young Patrick Dempsey,
(think of the movie Can't buy Me Love),
stops me. He's hot. So we flirt.
He buys me skittles from the vending machine,
and directs me towards Baret's house.

I finally get to Baret's, but the party was over.
Baret was playing frisbee with Danny DeVito,
and Danny said I should stop by another day.
My friend Dave Baklik was there, and offered to drive me home.
At this point, my car was MIA.

So Dave drives me back to his place.
We enter his bedroom,
and he pushes me on the bed.
Sexy.
He takes his shirt off,
also sexy.
Then he picks up a guitar?
Last time I checked,
he did not know how to play.
I eat my skittles.

typical.

I got a passport.
Why?
I'm going to the 'jungles' of Chad
DUH

Also, I have 3 roomates, 2 of which are guys.
Katie now sleeps on the desk.
typical.
The other 2 guys and I have triple bunk beds.

I also took a walk in the woods and got lost.
Thank God I randomly found my car near a tree stump.

Why Anders is my BFF

My friend Anders lived in an apartment near Disney.
I parked in the parking lot and went to visit him.
I went inside and his grandma was there,
she told me Anders was in his room.
I went in and he told me that he'll hang out with me later;
his girlfriend was coming over.
He told me to go walk around in Disney
and he would catch up with me later.

So I was walking around in Mickey's neighborhood.
I was almost at the end of the street
where I could either turn left or right.
I wanted to turn right,
but there was a mean giraffe standing there.
I heard that if anyone tried to pass him,
he would eat that person.
I did not know what to do,
I really wanted to turn right.

I decided to take a right anyways.
However, as I was about to turn,
the giraffe was getting closer and closer.
Out of nowhere, Anders yells my name.
He runs and grabs me and tells me to come over.
He said "My girlfriend's gone."

Then we turn around and walk down a hill,
and some bear sprays us with a water hose.
We were wet.

Lions, Tigers, and Bears...WTF

I was sitting in the corner of my floor in my old apartment
watching some horror film. My aunt and cousin came over,
and my dad told me I was in the way.

I drove away with three of my friends.
We were on a mountain, it was foggy.
The car breaks down and we don't know what to do.
We walk into the woods. It's dark and eerie.
We finally see light and an opening up ahead.

There is a huge clearing, a huge field, with wildlife.
I see antelopes jumping around.
They don't notice me, I'm so close I can almost touch them.
A lion is casully eating his meal.
I turn around, my friends are gone.

I hear a stampede, and I turn around.
My friends are on rhinoceros, looking for me.
They grab me and we end up at a beautiful big house.
A car is pulling up the driveway,
so we run and hide behind some trees.
A raccoon bites my friend in the arm.